Gurbani guides us with clarity and wisdom:
ਪਰ ਤ੍ਰਿਅ ਰੂਪੁ ਨ ਪੇਖੈ ਨੇਤ੍ਰ ॥
“Do not let your eyes gaze upon the beauty of another in a lustful manner.”
(Sukhmani Sahib, Ang 274)
In Sikhi, relationships before marriage, such as having boyfriends or girlfriends, are considered immodest and spiritually distracting. While society may normalize such relationships today, they can create challenges for both our personal and spiritual growth. True commitment, according to Sikhi, is not to another person alone, but to Naam, remembering and living in the presence of Waheguru. When one’s life revolves around Naam, the ability to discern right from wrong becomes natural, and worldly attachments take their proper place.
Looking at the lives of Gursikhs from earlier times, we see that all marriages were arranged with the guidance of parents and the blessings of the Guru. The life of a householder, or Gristhee Jeevan, was highly valued and encouraged by Guru Sahib. It helps strengthen one’s Sangat and allows for disciplined practices such as Amrit Velaa (early morning meditation). While young people may feel hesitant about arranged marriages, it is important to trust the wisdom of parents, who often understand us better than we understand ourselves.
This is not to say that all love marriages are wrong. The highest form of love in Sikhi is a spiritual love for Waheguru, which is eternal and pure. As mortals in the age of Kal Jug, it is natural to experience lustful thoughts, but Sikhs are encouraged to channel these feelings through Naam. By recognizing such thoughts and gently replacing them with the remembrance of Waheguru, we strengthen our spiritual life without fighting our mind.
Pre-marital romantic relationships can drain spiritual energy for two main reasons: firstly, they are not aligned with the Sikh Rehat Maryaadaa, and secondly, without the sacred bond of Anand Kaaraj in front of Guru Granth Sahib Jee, the relationship has not been sanctified in the court of Waheguru. Instead of becoming entangled in worldly attachments, Sikhs are encouraged to focus on serving parents, meditating on Naam, and cultivating love for the Divine, which is the highest and most fulfilling form of love.
Gurbani reminds us:
ਆਦਿ ਸਚੁ ਜੁਗਾਦਿ ਸਚੁ ॥
ਹੈ ਭੀ ਸਚੁ ਨਾਨਕ ਹੋਸੀ ਭੀ ਸਚੁ ॥੧॥
“True in the Primal Beginning. True Throughout the Ages. True Here and Now. O Nanak, Forever and Ever True.”
By aligning our actions with this eternal truth, we experience inner peace, spiritual growth, and a life that is in harmony with the teachings of Guru Sahib.
