Sikhi provides clear guidance on maintaining purity in relationships and emphasizes self-discipline in interactions with the opposite gender. Guru Gobind Singh Ji’s teachings highlight the importance of seeing others with a lens of respect and dignity, establishing clear boundaries that prevent both physical and emotional intimacy outside of marriage.
ਪਰ ਬੇਟੀ ਕੋ ਬੇਟੀ ਜਾਨੈ ॥ ਪਰ ਇਸਤਰੀ ਕੋ ਮਾਤ ਬਖਾਨੈ ॥ ਅਪਨੀ ਇਸਤਰੀ ਸੋ ਰਤ ਹੋਈ ॥ ਰਹਿਤਵਾਨ ਗੁਰੁ ਕਾ ਸਿੰਘ ਸੋਈ ॥
“Consider another’s daughter as your daughter. Consider another woman as your mother. Love only your own wife. Such a person is the Guru’s disciplined Sikh.”
(Bhai Desa Singh Rehitnama)
Guru Sahib’s teachings apply universally to both genders. Just as a man should view other women as his mother, sister, or daughter, a woman should view other men as her father, brother, or son.
Similarly, in Sri Dasam Granth Sahib, Guru Gobind Singh Ji further instructs:
ਨਿਜ ਨਾਰੀ ਕੇ ਸਾਥ ਨੇਹ ਤੁਮ ਨਿੱਤ ਬੱਢੈਯਹੁ ॥ ਪਰ ਨਾਰੀ ਕੀ ਸੇਜ ਭੂਲਿ ਸੁਪਨੇ ਹੂਂ ਨ ਜੈਯਹੁ ॥
“Love your own wife more and more, but never touch another woman’s bed either by mistake or even in a dream. Know that the love of another’s wife is like a sharp dagger.”
(Sri Dasam Granth Sahib)
These instructions reinforce the importance of staying committed to one’s spouse and avoiding any form of inappropriate relationship, be it physical or emotional.
While physical relationships outside of marriage are clearly forbidden, emotional intimacy can also have lasting effects. Emotional intimacy occurs when an individual becomes deeply attached to another person, creating a bond that leads to dependence. This attachment can cause heartache, longing, and difficulties even after the relationship ends.
For example, if a girl and boy develop a close relationship based on shared emotions, they may find it difficult to separate even if their paths change. When the girl eventually gets married, she might still think about her past emotional bond, and vice versa, leading to distress in her new relationship.
Some young people justify emotional relationships by claiming that they intend to marry the person in the future. However, no one knows what the future holds. People grow and change over time, encountering new experiences and perspectives. What seems certain in youth may become uncertain with maturity. If such a relationship ends, the emotional scars can persist for years.
Instead of focusing on personal attraction or forming an emotional connection before marriage, one should look at the virtues (gunn) of a potential partner. The emphasis should be on qualities such as honesty, humility, discipline, and commitment to Sikhi. By prioritizing virtues over desire, one ensures a stable and fulfilling marriage.
Some argue that platonic friendships with the opposite gender are harmless. However, such friendships often evolve into deeper emotional connections. The foundation of any close relationship is shared commonalities, whether humor, interests, or hobbies. These same bonds that strengthen friendships can easily lead to romantic feelings, even if that was not the original intention.
Since emotional closeness can easily transition into attachment, it is best to maintain a respectful distance. Prevention is always better than dealing with emotional pain later.
Waheguru takes care of all. Rather than actively searching for a partner in social settings like university or college, one should leave the matter in Waheguru’s hands. When the time is right, elder Gursikhs can help find a suitable match based on virtues and compatibility rather than emotional attachment or attraction.
By adhering to Guru Sahib’s teachings, one can lead a disciplined life, free from unnecessary heartache and distractions, focusing instead on spiritual growth and a meaningful, Gurmat-centered relationship.
