Anand Karaj: The Sacred Sikh Marriage Ceremony

July 1, 20240 Comments

Anand Karaj: The Sacred Sikh Marriage Ceremony

Anand Karaj is the Sikh marriage ceremony, a sacred and joyous union where the couple commits to living their lives together according to Sikh principles.

Some Important Points

1. A Sikh man and woman should enter wedlock without considering the future spouse’s caste and descent.

2. A Sikh must marry a Sikh.

3. A Sikh’s marriage should be solemnized by the ‘Anand’ marriage ceremony.

4. Child marriage is strictly forbidden for Sikhs.

5. A girl should marry a suitable Sikh match when she is physically and mentally ready, and able to understand her moral duties.

6. It is not important to have a Kurmaaee (engagement ceremony) before the marriage. However, if one wishes to have an engagement ceremony, the girl’s side should pick a day to gather the Sangat in the presence of Sri Guru Granth Sahib Ji. After offering an Ardaas before Sri Guru Granth Sahib Ji, a Kirpaan (sword), a sarbloh Karha (bangle made of pure iron), and some sweets may be given to the boy.

7. Consulting horoscopes for determining an auspicious day or date for the marriage is Manmat, against the Guru’s Way. Any day that both parties find suitable by mutual consultation should be fixed.

8. Certain practices are strictly forbidden as they are considered Manmat. These include:

Putting on a sehra (decorated face covering)
Decorative headgear or red thread bands around the wrist
Worshipping ancestors
Dipping feet in milk mixed with water
Cutting a berry or jandi (prosopis cineraria tree) bushes
Ritually filling a vessel of water
Leaving the wedding angry or upset
Reciting chhands (poetic rhymes traditionally sung to tease the groom at the bride’s home after the marriage ceremony)
Performing havans (sacrificial fires)
Installing vedi (a wooden canopy or pavilion under which Hindu marriages are performed)
Getting prostitutes to dance
Having liquor

9. The marriage party should be as small as the girl’s side desires. The two sides should greet each other by singing Gurbani and finally by the Sikh greeting of ‘ਵਾਹਿਗੁਰੂ ਜੀ ਕਾ ਖ਼ਾਲਸਾ ਵਾਹਿਗੁਰੂ ਜੀ ਕੀ ਫ਼ਤਹਿ’ (‘vahiguru jee ka khalsa, vahiguru jee kee fateh’ – The Khalsa belongs to Vahiguru, and all victories belong to Vahiguru).

10. For the marriage, there should be a divaan (congregational session) in the presence of Sri Guru Granth Sahib Ji. The ceremony should include:

Kirtan by Raagis or the whole Sangat
The girl and boy sitting facing Sri Guru Granth Sahib Ji, with the girl on the left side of the boy
The Sikh conducting the ceremony, after receiving the Sangat’s permission, should offer an Ardaas for the commencement of the Anand marriage ceremony and explain the householder life duties and obligations to the couple according to Gurmat.
The couple should receive a mutual sermon on modeling their relationship based on the love between the individual soul and Vahiguru as explained in ‘Laavaa’ (the scriptural prayer used to conduct the marriage ceremony) in Soohee Raag chapter of Sri Guru Granth Sahib Ji.
The notion of “ਏਕ ਜੋਤਿ ਦੁਇ ਮੂਰਤੀ” (“a single soul in two bodies”) should be explained as the ideal to be achieved through love, attaining union with Akaal Purakh while fulfilling the roles and duties of a householder’s life.
The boy and girl should be individually instructed on their respective marital duties as husband and wife.

11. The boy should be told:

The girl’s side has chosen him as the most suitable match.
He should treat his wife with love in all situations and share all that he has with her.
He should ensure her physical safety and protect her honor.
He should remain faithful and loyal.
He should give respect to her parents and relations as his own.

12. The girl should be told:

She has been joined in matrimony to this man in the presence of Sri Guru Granth Sahib Ji and the Sangat.
She should regard him as the lord and master of her love and trust, remaining firm in her loyalty.
She should serve him in joy and sorrow, home and abroad.
She should recognize his parents and relations as her own.

13. Showing acceptance of these instructions, the boy and girl should matha tek (bow by touching the forehead to the floor) before Sri Guru Granth Sahib Ji. Then:

The girl’s father or main relation should make the girl hold one end of the Pallaa (sash) which the boy is wearing.
The person in attendance of Sri Guru Granth Sahib Ji should then read out ‘Laavaa’, a scriptural prayer by the Fourth Guru in Soohee Raag.
After the reading of each Laav, the boy, followed by the girl holding the end of the Pallaa, should do parkarma (walk in a circle around) Sri Guru Granth Sahib Ji four times in a clockwise direction, each time when the Raagis or the Sangat sing the recited Laav.
After every parkarma, the boy and girl should matha tek before Sri Guru Granth Sahib Ji.
After the fourth parkarma, the boy and girl should sit down at the appointed place and the Raagis or the person who has conducted the ceremony should recite the first five and the last pauris of Anand Sahib.
An Ardaas should be offered to mark the conclusion of the Anand Kaaraj marriage ceremony, followed by the distribution of Karhah Prashaad.

14. An Anmati (disbeliever of the Sikh faith) cannot be joined in wedlock by the Anand Kaaraj ceremony.

15. No Sikh should accept a match for their son or daughter for financial gain.

16. If the girl’s parents visit their daughter’s home and a meal is ready, they should not hesitate to eat there. Abstaining from eating at the girl’s home is a superstition. The Khalsa has been blessed by the Guru and Akaal Purakh to eat and feed others. Both sides should accept each other’s hospitality as the Guru has joined the two families as one.

17. A widow may, if she wishes, find a suitable match for herself and remarry. If a Sikh man’s wife dies, the same ruling applies.

18. Remarriage may be solemnized in the same manner as the Anand marriage.

19. In normal circumstances, no Sikh should marry a second wife if the first wife is alive.

20. An Amritdhari Sikh should get their spouse to take Amrit.

Notes

1. Same-sex marriages are not allowed in Sikhi.

The Sikh Gurus are role models for how to live as a Sikh. The Gurus were above human desires and were not required to go through human experiences. However, they lived through everyday human experiences in order to set an ideal example for humans.

The facts are:

All the Sikh Gurus, with the exception of Guru Harkrishan Sahib Ji who was aged 8 when he left his earthly body, had heterosexual marriages (i.e., marriage between man and woman).

The children of the Gurus had heterosexual marriages.

Sri Guru Granth Sahib Ji and other Sikh scriptures like the writings of Bhai Gurdas Ji do not entertain the possibility of a homosexual marriage.
The Maryada of the Anand Kaaraj refers to heterosexual couples.
No form of intimate partnership, union, or sexual relationship (regardless of sexual orientation) is allowed without the Anand Kaaraj ceremony.
ਬਿਨਾ ਅੰਨਦ ਬਿਵਾਹ ਤੇ, ਭਗਤੇ ਪਰ ਕੀ ਜੋਇ ॥
ਸੁਣ ਸਿਖਾ ! ਗੁਰ ਕਹਿ ਥੱਕੇ, ਮੇਰਾ ਸਿਖ ਨ ਸੋਇ ॥੨੫॥
“Without ‘Anand’ marriage ceremony, one who commits intimacy with another; Listen O Sikh! The Guru pushes away such a person and doesn’t consider them a Sikh.”
(Mukatnama Bhai Sahib Singh Ji, p. 143)
All other men and women other than one’s spouse should be considered and treated as brother or sister if the same age, father or mother if elder, and son or daughter if younger.
Gurbani tells us not to attach our identity to our ego or worldly labels. Therefore, to identify one’s identity using sexual orientation, caste, social status, etc., would not be in line with the Guru’s teachings.
ਹੋਹੁ ਨਿਮਾਣਾ ਸਤਿਗੁਰੂ ਅਗੈ ਮਤ ਕਿਛੁ ਆਪੁ ਲਖਾਵਹੇ ॥
ਆਪਣੈ ਅਹੰਕਾਰਿ ਜਗਤੁ ਜਲਿਆ ਮਤ ਤੂੰ ਆਪਣਾ ਆਪੁ ਗਵਾਵਹੇ ॥
“O mind! Becoming humble, surrender to the True Guru and do not attach your identity to your ego. The world is consumed by ego and self-identity; watch out that you do not destroy yourself (by getting caught up in ego).”
(Aasa M:3, Ang 441)
Gurbani promotes identifying oneself solely as a devotee, a humble servant of God, a Sikh of the Guru, and an embodiment of the Divine Light.
ਮਨ ਤੂੰ ਜੋਤਿ ਸਰੂਪੁ ਹੈ ਆਪਣਾ ਮੂਲੁ ਪਛਾਣੁ ॥
“O my mind, you are the embodiment of the Divine Light – recognize your own origin.”
(Aasa M:3, Ang 441)
During the history of the Ten Gurus and the Khalsa, not a single recorded same-sex Anand Kaaraj or any other form of marriage has been conducted by the Gurus or any Sikh.
Homosexuality or same-sex marriages have never arisen as an issue or debate in the history of the Sikhs.
In Sikh tradition, the purpose of sex is the potential of reproducing. Any other sexual acts that do not fulfill this purpose would be considered as fulfilling lustful desires. To intentionally waste semen is forbidden in Gurbani:
ਸੁਪਨੈ ਬਿੰਦੁ ਨ ਦੇਈ ਝਰਨਾ ॥
“Do not (waste and) lose your semen, even in your dreams.”
(Bhairo, Bhagat Kabeer Ji, Ang 1160)
Intentional waste of semen would include the use of contraception in a heterosexual marriage, masturbation, and other sexual activities that do not lead to the potential of reproducing.
Same-sex friendships of Gurmukhs (Guru-oriented individuals) are encouraged as long as the intention is to have union with God and not fornication. A lot of spiritual love exists in these relationships, that do not require any form of romance, intimacy, or sexual behavior.
ਸੋਈ ਸਾਜਨ ਮੀਤੁ ਪਿਆਰਾ ॥ ਰਾਮ ਨਾਮੁ ਸਾਧਸੰਗਿ ਬੀਚਾਰਾ ॥
ਸਾਧੂ ਸੰਗਿ ਤਰੀਜੈ ਸਾਗਰੁ ਕਟੀਐ ਜਮ ਕੀ ਫਾਸਾ ਜੀਉ ॥੨॥
“He is a companion, a friend, and a beloved of mine, who reflects upon the Lord’s Name, in the Company of the Holy. (Staying) in the Saadh Sangat, the Company of the Holy, cross over the world-ocean, and the noose of death shall be cut away. ||21|”
(Maajh M:5, Ang 108)
Attempts to distort and dilute Gurmat traditions preserved throughout history cannot be accepted in any circumstances. Diluting or changing the Anand Kaaraj code or the accepted notion of marriage presented in Sikh scriptures to compensate homosexuals for historical persecution and hatred directed towards them in wider society is irresponsible and unacceptable.

Same-sex marriages have recently been legalized in countries like Canada and the UK that have significant size Sikh populations. On the request of Gurdwaras seeking an official letter stating the already accepted Sikh position, Akal Takhat Sahib issued a Sandesh (memorandum). All Gurdwaras across the world are bound to disallow any form of same-sex marriage ceremony or blessing in accordance with the above Sandesh.

2. Social Status and Equality in Sikhi

ਵਡੇ ਵਡੇ ਜੋ ਦੁਨੀਆਦਾਰ ॥ ਕਾਹੂ ਕਾਜਿ ਨਾਹੀ ਗਾਵਾਰ ॥
ਹਰਿ ਕਾ ਦਾਸੁ ਨੀਚ ਕੁਲੁ ਸੁਣਹਿ ॥ ਤਿਸ ਕੈ ਸੰਗਿ ਖਿਨ ਮਹਿ ਉਧਰਹਿ ॥੨॥
“The great and powerful people of the world are of no use, you fool! The Lord’s slave may be born of humble origins, but in their company, you shall be saved in an instant. ||2||”
(Gauree M:5, Ang 238) ਜਾਤੀ ਦੈ ਕਿਆ ਹਥਿ ਸਚੁ ਪਰਖੀਐ ॥

3. Guidelines on Marriage in Sikhi

ਜਾਤੀ ਦੈ ਕਿਆ ਹਥਿ ਸਚੁ ਪਰਖੀਐ ॥
“What good is social class and status? Truthfulness is measured within.”
(Maajh M:1, Ang 142)

ਜੋ ਮੁਕਤੇ ਸਿੰਘ ਏਹੁ ਉਪਦੇਸ ਕਰਦੇ ਹੈਨਿ-ਜੋ ਸਿਖ ਨਾਲਿ ਨਾਤਾ ਕਰੈ ।
ਨਾ ਦੇਖੈ ਖਤ੍ਰੀ, ਨਾ ਦੇਖੈ ਸੂਦ ਕਿ ਵੈਸ਼ ਹੈ । ਸਿਖ ਗੁਰੂ ਕਾ ਦੇਖੈ, ਜਾਤਿ ਬਰਨੁ ਨ ਦੇਖੈ ॥
“The ‘Mukte Singh’ (who received Amrit after the first Panj Piaare on Vaisakhi 1699) give the following instructions – Those who marry a Sikh: they should not consider whether one’s caste is a ‘Khatri’, ‘Shoodar’ or ‘Vaish’. One should (only) consider the other being a Sikh of the Guru, and not consider the other’s caste or lineage.” (Rehatnama: Bhai Chaupa Singh, p. 77)

ਗੁਰੂ ਕਾ ਸਿਖ ਸਾਕ ਸਿਖ ਨਾਲ ਕਰੈ ।
“A Sikh of the Guru should marry a Sikh.”
(Rehatnama: Bhai Chaupa Singh, p. 80)

ਸਿਖ ਕੋ ਸਿਖ ਪੁਤ੍ਰੀ ਦਈ ਸੁਧਾ (ਅੰਮ੍ਰਿਤ) ਸੁਧਾ ਮਿਲ ਜਾਇ ਦਈ ਭਾਦਨੀ (ਮੋਨਾ) ਕੋ ਸੁਤਾ ‘ਅਹਿ’ (ਸੱਪ) ਮੁਖ ਅਮੀ (ਅੰਮ੍ਰਿਤ) ਚੁਆਇ ।੧। ਬਿਨਾ ਸਿੰਘ, ਸਿੰਘ ਦੇ ਸੁਤਾ ਅਜਾ ਕਸਾਈ ਸਾਕ ਜਮ ਕੰਕਰ ਸੋ ਸਿਖ ਹੈ ਜਨਮ ਹੋਤ ਸਤ ਕਾਕ (ਕਾਂ ਦਾ) ।੨।
“A Sikh should marry their daughter to a Sikh. In this way, ‘Amrit’ meets ‘Amrit’ (i.e. a Gurmukh meets a Gurmukh). If one marries their daughter to a ‘Bhaadni’ (cut-haired, i.e. non-Sikh) it is like giving Amrit (nectar) to a snake. A Singh who marries his daughter to a non-Sikh acts like a messenger of death handing over a lamb to a butcher; such a person is worthy of being born as a (crafty) crow for seven lives.”
(Rehatnama: Bhai Daya Singh Ji – p. 70)

Sikhs uphold and respect the human right of all to choose who they marry. Although someone not professing the Sikh religion can have a civil marriage, they do not qualify to have an Anand Kaaraj and solemnise their union in accordance to the Sikh religion.

The Anand Kaaraj is a Guru sanctioned religious ceremony for the Sikhs who have total belief in Sri Guru Granth Sahib Ji as their sole worldly and spiritual Guide and Saviour.
The Anand Kaaraj ceremony should not be conducted to just please parents and society but be part of a commitment to the Guru. Anyone unable to comply with the Sikh Rehat Maryada document should not insist on having a Sikh Anand Kaaraj ceremony.
The code of conduct outlined in the Sikh Rehat Maryada document cannot be abandoned simply due to secular or social pressures, trends, fashions and fads.
If only one of the two sitting before Sri Guru Granth Sahib Ji in the presence of the Saadh Sangat (holy congregation) is listening to and accepting the instructions given in the religious marriage, it becomes a form of disrespect to both the Guru and the Sangat.